Chapter 31
After the dust settles on a championship, within days an athlete or coach, really anyone involved in the process, starts to reflect deeply on the whole ordeal that has led them to where they are in the present moment. Mixed emotions begin to scramble everything up and sometimes what seems such a joyous occasion can ruffle up serious contemplation of one’s personal version of success or purpose. This is how I feel now, a week after graduating with my Masters Degree among many other events that have occurred within the last five year period. In Master of Something, I began to speak about this sense of completion, but here I want to expand on purpose.
All week I felt like I was recovering from this traumatic event, and my head felt all jumbled because it had been under so much stress. I had felt it for a while like I was frozen and held down. After a few days, I realized I was recovering from Anxiety Paralysis. While Dr. Freud here is self diagnosing, I do feel that part of my successes personally and professionally in the last decade has been from a more inner understanding of oneself. Obviously that takes practice, time, and support from others to be able to do this, but my purpose is to bring more focus to help others that may be reading this to help themselves if they feel the same way.
As most of you know, I am an avid reader and always looking for more information to add to this insane membrane of mine. I always look for examples of those that overcame adversity, led their teams or organization with a veracity that was unmatched, and so on and so forth. Now that I was done with school, I got back into my stack of books and one that I think really sheds a light on mental grit and setting expectations is Bill Walsh’s Biography The Score Takes Care of Itself by Steve Jamison and Craig Walsh. As a little kid I got to see the magnificence of Coach Walsh play out on tv or in person whenever the 49ers would come and play the Falcons when I was younger, but now reading his book years after all the glory brings a unique perspective to me in my line of work. He talks about relevance, style, purpose, and process while doing something nobody had done at the time. He talks about his own mental fatigue and stress that came from his own life and his struggle to lead. When I was younger, I had respect for him but after years of growing older, I have even more. Funny story, when I was a sophomore in high school in 1993, I bumped into Bill Walsh when he was recruiting an athlete from my high school. I was the TA for my athletic director, Mr. Patterson at Esperanza High School, and I was done with practice that afternoon, and there he was. The year before he had moved on from the San Francisco 49ers, and went back to Stanford to coach. That day, I had gone back to the athletic office to check in with Mr. Patterson and as I entered, him and Bill Walsh were talking. No introduction needed. Mr. Patterson’s head nodded over to him to shake his hand, and I humbly went over there to shake it. I was so excited. Just as a younger person would, I immediately started to tell him how amazing he was and started spouting off his career highlights, and then I told him it was an honor to meet him. In a very relaxed manner, he graciously smiled at me and totally turned the conversation back around and asked what sport I did, how I liked it, and what my goals were. The conversation wasn’t for more than a few moments, and they were out the door. I have met many influential people in my life, but to this day, I would say that it was one of the most randomest occurrences with one of the coolest people.
I like to use this example because for just a moment, one person who I talked to made an impression on me that has lasted over 30 years. While I am not playing fanboy here, but want to bring into focus many of us wish to leave some type of mark on this world when our lives come to the end. Legacy, Purpose, or Impact is what it is referred to and maybe some of us struggle with how we affect others and how will our own legacy play out? When I talk to younger people today, when I ask what their goals or ambitions are, many cannot answer the question. Most of the time they can say where they are going, but have no idea of how or what they can do to get there. They are stuck. They feel so stressed out that they feel like they are not moving forward, anything they do isn’t making a difference, and are unsure of if they will be successful in managing to get to their goals or destination. From my reading, Coach Walsh as a grown adult felt this way, after this past week of success I felt this way, and then there are others on their way up that feel this way. Why is this?
This is such a concerning aspect of our lives that it seems like a lot of people are suffering from it. We are all in our Headspace, and definitely need help to get out. When I try to think and reason with myself why we do this to ourselves, I begin to focus on the why? What’s the purpose? What’s our own purpose? Does any of this even matter? In the moment, it is very difficult to try to understand how we feel, but maybe if we just understand that this self curiosity is okay and that to question ourselves is okay, then maybe that’s the reassurance we need to move forward. It is okay to have a time or period in your life that examines your priorities and your purpose. Spiritually and emotionally, I try to lean on why I am here on this earth. I then repeat what I already have, in order to help others. Then I lean on scripture to find answers. In Colossians 3:23, it says “Whatever you do, work heartily for the Lord.” The verse is meant to be an inspiration piece that no matter what, you have purpose and your life is fulfilled in the enthusiasm and passion in your attitude from the good work of making a difference in one’s personal life and that you can influence others. Even if you are not a spiritual person, this is such a huge inspiration point for you to live and breathe on.
This week as I started to doubt why and the purpose of this whole process, I was completely frozen. I just could not get out of my own head, but maybe that was the problem. I was too much in my head and I just needed to let go. Understand that every breath you make, influences the world in some way. You become a part of the earth that pushes your spirit of who you are through being present with everyone else that lives and breathes. You maybe are in the season where you are exploring and finding how you can help yourself and others; maybe you are in the building phase of making yourself strong enough to face the challenges that will be pressed upon you; maybe you are experiencing stresses and forces that want to tear you down only to show how resilient you are when greater adversity strikes; or maybe you are thawing out from being frozen in time, but no matter where you are at, what you do does matter. Whether it’s just you being present in a breath for a moment, maybe it’s for a three minute conversation that means more to the other person than to you, or maybe it’s an intentional action that is meant to serve others… everything matters.
I always think of ways to inspire you, but secretly face my own battles. My wife is so critical when I write sometimes because she says, “You know you are not perfect, yet you write to others and make your life seem so perfect.” My response is “I completely know I am not perfect, and that is the reason I write. There may be someone out there that feels the same way I do.” We all have this vision of how we want to feel, look, and be; but we have to get out of our head and share this with those others so they can understand they are not alone and that there are people out there that probably feel the same way. If I can let them know, then maybe our own headspace will become a place where we can understand ourselves better and begin to move forward instead of being stressed and critical all the time.
Thank you for letting me share today. I really hope in some way this helped someone. Maybe this didn’t resonate with you and that’s okay, but maybe you are the one who can help another person that it is for. I just wanted to make sure you knew how important and valuable each and everyone one of you are. Life is not perfect, but our ability to extend ourselves with grace and think of someone else is our way there… and maybe that is the secret to helping ourselves cope with our own anxieties.
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Written By Chris Hulme ( aka – Coach Hulme ) #CoachHulme #ChrisHulme #TheHulme
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Coach Hulme 