Chapter 28
Do you ever question why education is ineffective? As a teacher, a parent, coach, or just a general human, have you ever seen this current generation’s student behavior? On the surface level, some of what these students do is absolutely unexplainable. I could write a whole other piece on that, that’s not the focus here. I want to possibly explain or drive you to think why changes to those behaviors are not changing the way we want them to. To make absolutely clear, no matter what, we are responsible and in control of our own behavior. Students need to know that no matter what, they are the ones steering their own ship, and what direction they go is completely made by themselves. Also, teachers and adults have that same responsibility to themselves as well. Everyone has to be accountable for their own behavior.
Over the years, through countless experiences, I have had the unique opportunity to see learning from vicarious sources. Through parenting, we have these unique opportunities to positively shape and mold a human being from inception. Your value as a parent is immeasurable. Your kids look at every single unconscious thing you do. I always heard this saying, but when I started to notice my kids burping out loud at home and sounding like they just won a World Championship of the most obnoxious behavior, I was like “Knock that off… be polite… know your manners…” and then my loving little babies turn to me and respond, “Daddy, I learned it from you.” Gulp… talk about a humbling moment. As much as I believe myself as a hardworking family man, I had to take a step back and realize my kids were absorbing behaviors I was doing! I immediately became more aware. As humorous as this example is, this is magnified when people do other things as well: bad with finances, drink, drugs, unstable household, etc. – negative behaviors that a lot of kids face at home are based on the maturity and social consciousness of their parents. On the flip side, there are very successful people that have processes and success habits that seem to flow from one generation to the next. It’s all modeling behaviors, and kids of the future are experts at it. It shapes who they will become.
When kids go to school, they transfer and carry these learned behaviors to school with them and use them with their peers. If you are seeing things from your kiddos you don’t like, you should make sure that they didn’t learn them from you first before you punish them. Imagine if the parent is now the teacher, and the kids in your class all have these built in behaviors? What are you doing to help them learn, participate, or grow? Are you one of those teachers that complains and says, “Geesh, these kids are so unruly, they don’t listen, etc…blah, blah, blah…”? Because if you are, then your students will be the first to complain about you when they can’t get the learning and support from you that they need. Really humbling thought, right? As the teacher, you are the most powerful adult advocate that your students have without their parents in this world. While you are not their parents, they are going to absorb your energy, your personality, and the way you talk and treat people as their learning experience. If you are not a kind teacher, then highly likely, your students will not be kind back to you. If you are not listening to your students, then why do you expect them to listen back to you respectfully? This is the missing link I see educators lack when dealing with the students. The teacher’s usual reaction when things don’t go their way is something punitive through additional work, anger, or fear. In what research has fear ever proven to be an appropriate teaching strategy??? But yet, I see it all the time. It has become such an unconscious teacher behavior, even if the teacher assumes they are being nice or polite.
This year alone, I have been privileged to have attended 5 conferences and 10 different leadership and professional development workshops where I have even seen keynote speakers talk using fear in the classrooms. I see educator attendees shaking their heads up and down in agreement like it’s the best strategy ever. You are brainwashed if you think this is acceptable. Shame on you. Listen to me: “Fear Should Not Be In Education.” No person should ever be intimidated to learn. Whether that is through personality and behaviors, through curriculum implementation, or by whatever means. No one positively learns in these environments. Learning from someone who uses fear, will create an environment of resentment, disdain, diminished production, and many more unwanted behaviors. Do you know how unhealthy and damaging fear is to a person’s mental health? If you seek compliance rather than collaboration, you need to leave education. Let me repeat myself, leave education now. Sorry, not sorry for those that feel hurt by this statement, but someone needs to say it. I guess I am just channeling my inner Mark Manson here, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life. If you take this as an offense, then you are the problem, because just imagine how many learners that you had a negative impact on.
As I was at a workshop for Teaching Positive Academic Behaviors earlier this year, I had to listen to a huge bulk meathead teacher guy that was like 6’ 5”, yoked, and physically opposing talk about how when his students don’t listen to him, that he stands in the middle of his room surrounded by his students using his proximity to “firmly” tell his students “what’s up” and “how things are going to go”. He then turns to all the attendees and starts his sentence to us saying “These kids ought to know…” In my mind, I was already thinking “What the hell? You did what in your classroom to your students? The only thing that your students got out of that was fear, and if they didn’t do what you wanted, when you want, then they will be in trouble.” Then I saw him start passing out Kool-Aid to all of the teachers listening to his madness! I am totally kidding about the Kool-Aid part, but teachers should have to wear body cams or have cameras in the classrooms because this is crazy! It keeps everyone accountable, kids need to act appropriately and it also potentially minimizes negative teacher practices. Now imagine if you are a teacher that is doing what they are supposed to do, and you are struggling in your classroom? Have you ever thought about trying to ask those students what is wrong and listen to what they have to say, not what you want to hear? Your students will be the first to tell you about how they don’t like this teacher, or that teacher, or whatever. Again, there are these transferable behaviors kids learn, and when a teacher breaks the bonds or trust, it puts additional pressure on the education system to make up for that, because students shift from one level of trust, to questioning purpose. Isn’t this a major battle in classrooms today?
There are many amazing selfless, wonderful, and incredibly caring teachers, but because student behavior is driven from the students own decision making skills, teachers are assuming they can control this situation. You cannot control human nature. You can learn, respect, and be a part of human nature, but you can never control other people no matter how much you think you can. If you want to seek change, then build positive relationships with people you come into contact with. Be kind, compassionate, showing forgiveness, and giving grace. Allow yourself to do this. You do this, then your students will start to do this on some level. Learn to accept differences in one another, and be able to respect that. They will also begin to show this too. Understand your role to propel students forward, not break them and push them into the ground because “they need to learn”. We all need to learn, but not through fear.
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Written By Chris Hulme ( aka – Coach Hulme ) #CoachHulme #ChrisHulme #TheHulme
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