The Coaching Chronicles: Game 5
In coaching, there is insatiable need to win. It drives so many people. Have you ever asked yourself – What is true victory? What is winning really about? Is it a score at the end of the game? If you were to ask most people what the true measurement, a true assessment, of what winning is – then it is a final score. I am not in the most people category. How can winning be measured that way when the game of life continues to be played after the game is over? If it truly is a final score, then how come we continue to exist after the game is played? If that is the case, then the game is not over.
Many people’s self image, self worth, and “who they are” – ride with how the outcome a singular game, season, or career is played. I am here to tell you, that a score in a game is a part of the process, but it is not the finality of the process. We learn so many things about ourselves and the world from the ebb and flow of playing. The score is just the temporary assessment of how we are doing at the moment. When playing team sports, you could be an amazing player, maybe the most gifted, but if the environment around you doesn’t match, support, or extend past your abilities, then you are not in control of how the game is won or lost. An insane amount of variables exist in the recipe, and it takes only one to mess it up. Imagine hinging how you feel about yourself on things you can’t control. Talk about a total misfire. So why is it that people lose their minds or themselves when the score doesn’t go their way?
It’s a completely different take on this subject, one that really needs to talked about. Just recently, we played a game called “The Game of the Century” for a Middle School Rivalry game. It’s actually pretty intense… for weeks in advance, the schools pretty much trash talk and dream big about how they need to conquer the cross town school, and that their reputation of the community hinges on what these student athletes do. What??? What did you say??? Let me get this straight… the reputation of the school, community, and oneself rides on what these 12, 13, and 14 year olds do in this game? As their teacher and adult in the community, I see some of these students that can’t even get their homework in on time or argue with the friends over how much Halloween Candy they think their friends should be sharing with them, when they have already eaten all of theirs binging on a sugar induced rage. …And we are suppose to hinge our reputation on this??? I don’t think so. They are kids. Talk about pressure! Let’s actually go there… who are the ones that applying and asserting all this pressure on these young minds, (that will one day have other immense pressure of life), with undue stress and anxiety of with a status of who they are, based on this ONE game at this age? Totally ridiculous.
Too many are afraid to speak up and let these so called leaders continue with the status quo coaching. Not me. We need to really challenge anyone in an impressionable role to consider their actions and perspectives towards their kids and their appropriate age group. At the end of the game the other day, I have two sets of kiddos on my team. I have the club fed athletes with their “do-or-die” mentality instilled to their brains that are too good to go to a junior high practice versus the athletes that were willing to participate in a school coached team learning foundational success skills on the other side. It is quite a mash-up of abilities and perspectives. Being one of the most competitive people in the room and having coached at multiple different levels including club teams, I do feel it is appropriate to explain reasons for playing the game, such as winning and losing and healthy appropriate responses to both as players. What I also teach and explain is a more wholistic view of how winning and losing effect us beyond the game after the final whistle. Those that miss out on these foundational lessons, miss the most important part of the learning for the next step in the process and life itself. I also consider their age group. What age am I coaching, mentoring, or teaching? Are they younger kids? If so, then I need to plant seeds for them understand expectations and begin to add weight to those expectations as they procure the results. I can’t expect a younger kid or athlete to go out and completely understand a 2-3 defensive scheme with drop back coverage that eliminates or prevents a guard from driving through the middle. That’s accelerated stuff. …Or am I teaching older teenagers in high school? That too comes with a different lens, because there I can apply all the expectations and allow for expected results to bloom from the seeds I planted or any other youth coach planted previous to them being under my careful watch. Appropriate expectations and corrective positive feedback is needed in consideration of who you are working with. In my opinion, most coaches are full pedal to the metal – “LFG” mentality. This does not work in youth sports.
As a youth coach, your job is to develop them into the positive state above. It is highly likely you will not see any of those results under your watch. If you do your job, then you have planted the right seeds that blossom at the appropriate time later in their life. We all know that if we plant seeds to something, it does not grow into what we are trying to harvest over night. It takes time and patience for this to happen, and we as coaches, need to accept that. Your glory and fulfillment is helping them love the game, help them understand the X’s & O’s, and allow them to experiment who they can become by supporting and allowing them to make mistakes and fail. This is how they will learn to become a better player and a better person. We need more coaches that are brave enough to understand and adopt this process, rather than trying to burn our kids out before they reach high school. A really sad fact is that many youth athletes will stop playing their chosen sport at some point, not because they don’t love it, but because of the people around them that are too critical and the pressure that they apply far out weighs the enjoyment and/or benefits from playing the sport. Sad. If that is you as a coach, parent, leader… then stop it. Stop now. Build your babies up. Listen to their needs. Support them. Help them see the long term picture. We aren’t playing The Game of the Day… we are playing The Game of The Century – Life. We need to treat it as such.
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Written By Chris Hulme ( aka – Coach Hulme ) #CoachHulme #ChrisHulme #TheHulme
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