Chapter 6
The Shame Game.
This week, I got told I was such an overachiever. My immediate response was “Thank You!” while trying to keep my excitement in from the compliment I had received.
Also, in that same environment, I got told I was privileged. Hmmmmm… makes me rethink that the first was not necessarily a compliment. I’m not sure exactly what was meant, but I believe I can translate the passive meaning.
I was being told that I was winning the “game of life”, and it wasn’t fair to others that I had all the opportunities that I did.
Hmmmmm. Really? At first, I was really upset that someone (multiple people actually) were making those judgements about me when they didn’t even know me! Has anyone ever had that happen where you are judged or had assumptions made about you, and there was zero facts or zero basis for a claim? I really didn’t want to share this story, but I felt called to do so because it may help encourage others.
Let’s take a look at the outside… I have a full time job that helps pay for my school and I can contribute towards my mortgage payment. I have a house that we pay a mortgage payment to. I go to a prestigious private Christian University that is extremely expensive. I already am a college graduate in pursuit of a higher education degree. Wow!!! I am privileged! …and I am being shamed for it.
Let’s take a look from the inside… what if I told you I have my current job is based because I lost my last job due to the pandemic? What if I told you that I was unemployed for 6 months in between jobs trying to figure out how I could help earn an income to support my family? Furthermore, what if I told you that I was forced away from my old job specifically due to having a freak accident that I was seriously injured at which required multiple surgeries and therapy that I had to endure to overcome for years? Would that make my current job any different than a privilege at this point?
How about my education… what if I told you that I almost flunked out of college in my undergrad… gave up school for a while to pursue a career to come back later to finish my degree and barely graduate because of my mistakes. What if I told you that my GPA was so low because I was so immature at a young age that I spent the last five years of my adult life remediating my past errors to be able to get into a grad school? Would that still make me privileged? Also, in order to go to this prestigious university, I had to take out a huge loan of $30,000 a year to pay for my schooling and one day will have to repay it all back… does that still make me privileged? It’s the gift that keeps on giving, Clark…
What if I told you that almost two decades ago, my girlfriend (now my wife) and I were so poor we didn’t have a date for nearly six years or spend any additional money on things, so we could save up to buy a house “one day”. …and even when we went to buy the house, we had to borrow money from people just so the bank would finance our loan. Talk about super humbling. Would that make me privileged?
Does my situation still seem unfair to others? Let’s take a real look. I had a huge debt to others in my pride that we had to borrow money, but I swallowed it knowing it would one day be the best situation for my family. I worked different jobs along the way until I had my accident. Then my accident sidelined me physically, emotionally, and financially for another three years until I could recover. Again, extremely humbling. But I didn’t give up. I walked again. When I began to explore becoming a teacher, there are certain requirements I have to do in order to get my credential. Schools don’t just let people in because you want to go there. You have to prove yourself. So at the ripe age of 40+ years old, I had to prove I was worthy and responsible enough to meet certain standards and expectations. Again, humbled.
Am I “winning” this so call game yet? Just asking for a friend?
Let’s flip the script for a second. I have a house. My family worked extremely hard to purchase and maintain this house… I still have another 25 years of payments, but am still working hard at it because it surely isn’t free.
I have my job. Not just because they hired me, but because they decided to keep me. I used all my talents I had built through adversity and mistakes from previous experiences in my life that made me stronger. I work my brains out because 1) I never want to disappoint my team and 2) I don’t want to lose my job because I know nothing is free. I have a work ethic that is built from achieving not expecting.
I go to a Prestigious Christian University because I worked my booty off repairing my life of academic mistakes. To put it in perspective, I am using someone else’s money right now to do it and will have to pay it back with interest one day. I do this not because I am privileged, but because I can leverage my house and my job against it in exchange. That’s how the real world works. If any of the other things falter, I would no longer qualify for the loan and then “Poof!”… gone in a flash is my privilege of attending such a university.
I am an overachiever because I know that I am capable of not only doing the work, but doing it at a level where my life and my family’s wellbeing depends on it. If that makes me an “overachiever”, then “Thank You!” for the compliment. I will continue to “overachieve” until my last breath.
If anyone wants know how it feels to be “privileged”, then I invite you to experience the disappointment, the physical and emotional pain, the arguments, worry, anxiety, and all the other life experiences it took my family to get to this moment in our lives. If that is what “privilege” looks like, I sure wouldn’t want to see what it looked like for someone who was “down on their luck”!
I call this mentality, “The Shame Game”. I am being shamed for the perception of my successes. Hmmmm. I wonder if I am winning this game?
Lastly, I am strong enough to rise above these horrendous judgements and perceptions. I am beyond blessed that the Lord has placed so many “adventures” in my life that I got to experience. I hear so many people ask God to save them from all the obstacles in their life… but what I am reminded of is his humor of placing those obstacles in our life just enough to show us how strong and capable we are to be able to grow in a way that brings glory to him and this world. As I look at my life and seen what challenges he has brought to me, I can only imagine he is doing the same for his other children.
Are you experiencing tribulations and struggles in your life? What and why is God placing them there for you? Are you going to step up to his challenge and find out how strong you truly are? How will you use this new found strength to embolden others who may be in the same situation as you? Your strength is only increased when you share it with others! You are given so much of it that it pours over and is meant to be given away. How are you doing that?
I know that my journey has not been made this way so I can learn to be strong. It has been made this way so I can be strong to carry others that need the help that I once needed. I encourage you to be that strength and support that is needed in this world. Work so hard, that the blessings of this world make you look like you are privileged. Play the game…
There is still time left on the clock… How will you use your “opportunities” to help the world? The crowd is watching and judging your every move.
…guess who just took the lead in the “game of life”? Shame on you.
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Written By Chris Hulme (aka – Coach Hulme) #CoachHulme #ChrisHulme
Coach Hulme 